I’ve begun to edit myself. In small ways, and I think it has to stop. Immediately.
It stems, I am convinced, from the fact that I believe everyone else – anyone else must know more than me about anything or really everything.
I can’t seem to accept that I might be the best at something, or even that I might be okay at anything. Even if being okay at anything might mean just being okay at making my own fucking decisions.
From previous experiences and recent debacles. I can’t seem to hear anything positive said to me, I only hear the negative as it is said to me. The worst part is not the outside negative, it is that the loudest detractor of me is, well, me.
I need to be on my side.
So I must strive a tiny bit harder not to edit.
More truth needs to come out of me. I know my friends and family just shuddered in their sleep. Okay, to be fair some of them are working and others aren’t asleep yet, but still a cold chill just went out when I think about adding even MORE honesty into my repertoire.
Less editing, more honesty.