Some Mutation of a Thought That Got Lost in My Memory Filter

Asleep
One of the things that George Carlin used to say was that when you get an animal, you bring a tragedy into your life. That thing you love, that thing is gonna die. I think about that now that we’ve adopted a dog that is a little high maintenance. We’ve adopted this dog that is so sweet, and that means so much to the family already. We’ve taken on this project, this sweet animal project with growly noises and bitey teeth (The Bitey Thor) and we will love and care for him and one day he is going to die.

Or one of us will.

I’ve been considering a lot of the fear that’s been deep inside of me for a really long time, and while it isn’t the same as being afraid of death, it is very similar to being afraid to letting good things into my life. Having a puppy, training a puppy, all of these are good things, they are good things I’m letting into my heart.

I will lose them later, I will lose my dog, I will lose my cats, I will lose things, things will die, I will lose things, things will die, and I know I’m forgetting the exact quote, but I am thinking in my head of the idea that things are more beautiful because you can lose them.

I’m scared of not letting things in, but I have to let stuff happen so I can lose objects and animals and people so that then I can cry and then I can be happy that I lost them…or some permutation of being happy about remembering what I was thinking about the joy of having enough love to give and receive that makes sense with the memory of the thought that I thought I was thinking at this exact moment that makes sense.

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