I’ll take the love and leave the doubts, thanks.

First Tea Rose of the Season

My week has been really lovely. I’m doing more of this self-examining stuff and doing what I can to feel better every day.

When I was on vacation and able to see my friends and have a couple little adventures it was kind of like my heart opened up to my head and there was kind of a connection again. I’ve been sick so much in the last year that I had forgotten how much of a delight it is to just be with people that like you.

That is also something that I’m struggling with on a regular basis, that I may, in fact, be likable. This is a constant struggle for me, I am always surprised when people express an interest in seeing me. I am surprised when people give me love unsolicited. Being with friends for vacation, and then returning home and spending time with some other loved ones has made things click in a way they have not before.

It is okay to believe people when they say they love or like or enjoy my company. It is okay to believe people without burying myself in the idea that I have to earn that love and like and enjoyment. I can just be me and not have the me that I am be a reflection of what I think others might want from me.

This is not a new and shiny concept, and I know I’ve heard these thoughts before from others, but I feel like something finally fit and I feel more accepting of the idea of personal worth. I also feel like I’m more aware now than ever before that this acceptance is a task like brushing my teeth that I will need to do daily. Because if I do it daily I won’t end up with a filmy gross tartar build up on my self-worth.

I’m going to just enjoy that I had a lovely week and try to remember to floss my teeth and self-worth in the morning.

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