We don’t have a Christmas tree this year. This is mostly my fault. My family is more secular than religious and inside the house the three of us living here have radically different beliefs. Of course none of that has anything to do with fat loot and a big tree to stuff gifts under.
I haven’t got it in me to be happy this year at Christmas. I haven’t got it in me to fake it. I know, I know I need therapy to get over this overwhelming angry sadness that just sits on my chest right now whenever I try to think of something cheery.
I know some of it is losing my best friend this year, I know some of it is trying to reconcile who I am with who I wanted to be, and I know some of it is just financial – ah money the fuel of many a holiday breakdown fire. As the holiday comes ever closer, I’m trying, I really am, but all I’ve got is fury and tears to offer anyone in my life.
I can’t hide forever, I thought maybe I could cheer myself up with pictures and ask others to point me to pretty ornament pics, and then I can just pretend to have a tree, maybe having my own kind of Buddhist internal Christmas tree (which seems blasphemous on some level) will help me lighten up on everyone around here.
Here are some of the ornament pics I’ve found, anyone know any others?
Thanks for the emails, and the kind words. Here are three of the photostreams that were pointed out to me.