WORDS=SELF-CARE

It is clear that more time alone and more time at home are not what was keeping me from writing.

Fear. Fear is clearly what has been keeping me from writing. I am not even certain that what I am doing right now is writing, but it is my first kind of step toward dealing with some of my fears.

I am sitting here in my house, I have music, I have books, I have animals to cuddle with, and to be honest I have all the things that I love.  I haven’t interacted with a person I wasn’t related to in a little over a week.

I am sitting here tired and unsure and don’t know why I want to start blogging again.  Other than the very simple fact that I am so insecure and weird I need to talk everywhere.  Okay, that might be just the harsh part of me trying to talk me out of doing any of this stuff, but I do kind of want to start blogging again.

When I initially started this blog, it was a simple and easy place to say weird things and push them out into the world.  Now I have Facebook and Instagram and Tumblr and Twitter – oh so very much Twitter. With all of these places to say something small and ridiculous, why come back to blogging to express myself?  Blogging is like the old windbag telling long-form stories in the tiny bites world.

So why bother?

Because, and this is mostly me talking to me here because I need to become comfortable expressing myself with words again.  I’ve been distancing myself from words for a really long time. I’ve been squishing parts of me into easy to carry boxes for a long time.  I have been smothering anything I liked about me for a long time.

In the last six months though, I’ve had a lot of things happen to me, and in dealing (and not dealing) with all of these things I’ve realized that I would like to stop being cruel to myself and attempt to be kind to myself.  Self-care for me has almost always involved words. Reading books, telling stories, writing letters, playing word games, writing, or just plain journaling. Words=Self-Care for me.

As social distancing makes a ton of us feel itchy and crazy, as the economy eats itself, and as the planet burns, now is as good a time as any to be nice to me and try to put more words together, more often.

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