Then I went home and did some homework and saw my ex-beau for some conversation and settling of details. Our attempt is to be friends long-term.
Right now I’m just trying to deal with some of the information from the conversation that seems to reveal I may have been the rebound girl. I think I will file the info away for now and decide if that causes me more or less pain.
Either way I think finding the door that is okay with being with someone long term, even if it was with someone that didn’t really have any intention of being with me, being on the rebound and all, is really what I’m having more trouble with right now. Kind of that paradigm shift that one is never expecting in life. Discovering something you didn’t know about someone else is one thing, you can write it off as being unaware, or delusional, or that person was cagey.
Finding out something really new about yourself is another thing, it makes you question all your motives. Did I open up to someone that didn’t want me back because I knew he wouldn’t want me back to reconfirm my own self-doubt? I mean nothing can confirm a conspiracy theory better than a little circular emotional investigation. Eh, whatcha gonna do?
I’m gonna go and read about the Vietnam war for War Film class and stop thinking about any of it and call it good.