Recipe for Feeling 100 Years Old

Roller Skates Make Me Old

  • Take your roller-skates.
  • Go to roller-skating class.
  • Fill out horrible registration form for roller-skating class that asks your birthday, grade school, and favorite candy flavor.
  • Make sure roller-skating class is packed with eight and nine year old children.
  • Learn the “easy” way to get up from a fall (hint this involves muscles you haven’t used in 25 years).
  • Skate toward the wall as instructed by your “coach”, who most likely wasn’t alive the last time you skated and has mentioned Bieber to keep it real for the students, and have several parents blind you with camera flashes as they photograph the child behind you falling to the ground.
  • Take insane amounts of pride in the fact that you are not the child behind you falling.
  • Realize somewhere along the way that you will in fact die in front of these skating children, come to terms with this fact, own it.

I promise by the end of the skating you will feel 100 years old and not just because your bobs and bits are sore. But be assured, you get to do the same thing next week!

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